He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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