also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
