Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
