Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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