Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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