My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
