There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
