Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
