Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
