I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
