the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
