It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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