Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
