Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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