I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
