I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
