He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
