woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
