I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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