Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
