I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
