Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
