These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
