just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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