I have demons in me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
