Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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