I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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