he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
