It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
