these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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