I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
