Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
