I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
time to smoke my breakfast
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize