sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
