I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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