At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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