you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
