just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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