Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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