My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
