I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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