apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
