Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
