In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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