Plan B is the new Plan A
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
