is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
