I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
