I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
