Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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