She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
